If you have made all your New Year’s Resolutions, then good for you.  If not or you are interested in a different perspective on this whole resolution concept, read on for my suggestions.

Warning: this is a lengthy post, so you might want to grab a cup of coffee as well as a pen and some paper because it also suggests some exercises.

Think of your successes over the past year.  Yes, the New Year brings the opportunity to improve but also brings the opportunity to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.  Anyone who manages another person at work knows that it is both ineffective and cruel to hold a performance review that solely focuses on the negative.  Don’t do that to yourself either.

Write them down.  Go ahead and brag a bit!  If you are having difficulty coming up with the list, go out to coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner with your best friend and have her remind you of all the fabulous things you did in 2011.  And then be a good friend and do the same for her.

Good job, you!  Gold stars for everyone!

Extra credit: Think about the tactics that you relied on to reach those goals.   (And no, blind luck is not one of them.) You might find some useful clues you can apply in tackling new challenges.

Think of the things you enjoy.  Write them down, no matter how silly, shallow or insignificant they may be. (Seriously, some of the things that made my list include: shopping, new shoes, spa days and watching basketball).  If you enjoy it and are glad that it is in your life, write it down.  Look over the list.  Consider which things on the list you would like to do more of.  Star them and make an appointment with yourself to do at least one them a month.

Yes, I am bossy enough to boldly suggest that having more fun should be on everyone’s “resolution” list.  So there.  A list of self-improvement that reads like a list of sins is really depressing.  Allow yourself to have enjoyable things on your “resolution” list as well!

Think of the people you most enjoy spending time with.  Write them down.  Make a monthly date with each one of them.  If you can combine it with “things you enjoy,” bonus points!  If they are out of town, commit to a long phone call, Skype session, email or letter.  As I talked about in the Harvard Men blog, in the last analysis what matters are our relationships.  And remember: this is a list of people you ENJOY, not a list of people you are OBLIGED to spend time with.  There is a significant difference.

Think about the life that you want to lead.  Too often we get stuck on the treadmill of life.  We continue to do all of the things that we do without questioning whether or not it still serves our goals and us.  (See Golden Chains blog)

What would your ideal life look like?  Write it down.  Then, think of a couple of ways you can start to experience that part of your ideal life.  For example, one of the things on my ideal life list is to go to coffee shops and write.  So, I have committed to myself that this year I will go to a coffee shop and write at least an hour a week.

Radically transformative?  Probably not.  But it is moving me in the direction I want to go and is something I look forward to, so maybe that is good enough.

Think of solutions instead of resolutions.  Tiny Buddha blog had a terrific post about thinking of solutions rather than resolutions.

Read the authors distinction: “I’ve never liked the word “resolution.” As defined in the dictionary, resolution means “a firm decision to do or not do something,” and anyone who’s ever done, well, anything knows that life rarely works like that.

I prefer to think of my January decisions as New Year’s Solutions. Defined in the dictionary as “a means of solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation,” solutions are useful and practical. Thinking about them now helps us find peace in whatever may happen in the year ahead.”

I love this concept.  Instead of relying on resolve reframing our goals by coming up with solutions feels to me like a much more doable and comfortable idea.

Think of building habits instead of expecting outcomes.

Probably all of us have made a New Year’s resolution that sounds something like this: “Lose 10 pounds,” “Cut my debt,” or “Write a book.”  While each of these are admirable goals, they require radical change, cannot be accomplished overnight and just seem like such large mountains to scale.

Instead, if we focus on building habits, tiny steps that will help us reach our goal we are more likely to experience success.  Experiencing success leads us to continue to try and let’s us experience more success, and so the cycle goes.   Eventually, these series of tiny successes lead up to achieving our goals.  So, “Losing 10 pounds” might look like cutting out drinks with calories for the first month.  The next month, add in limiting deserts to weekends.  The next month, add in a 30-minute walk four times a week.  Get the idea?   It’s the old eating-the-elephant-one-bite at a time.

Think of changes that build on your strengths instead of trying to improve your weaknesses.  This was essentially the topic of my last blog post, but it deserves to be mentioned again.  Leading with your strengths instead of trying to improve your weaknesses might just be the most effective way to be your best self.

If you are interested in exploring your strengths, take the VIA survey (it’s free and takes about 15 minutes to complete).

I took it and my top strengths are creativity, kindness and generosity, critical thinking and open-mindedness, capacity to love and be loved, and love of learning.  My not so strong things are self-control and self-regulation, caution, forgiveness and religion.

What does this mean? It means that try looking at your strengths and see if you can reframe some of your challenges by leading with a strength.

For instance, among my successes over the past year was developing a regular exercise plan.  Now, as just mentioned, my weaknesses are self-discipline and self-regulation.  Clearly, if I tried to lead with those skills, which most logically many of us do when deciding to begin an exercise program, I wouldn’t have gotten very far as I would be fighting against my natural inclinations.

Instead, I tapped into my strength of my capacity to love and committed to go to the gym with my best friend.  By committing to go with her, I knew that I would go because there would be no way I would let her down.

Also, we chose activities that allow us to talk to each other while we work out (and talking to her is one of my favorite activities).   Additionally, because I find talking to her gets me thinking about complex and interesting ideas, I am capitalizing on my strengths of critical thinking and open-mindedness.

Finally, on days where we are not able to workout together, I listen to books on my iPod, which satisfies my love of learning. The result: I created a habit of working out!

Think about allowing yourself to accept yourself just as you are.  I am all for self-improvement, but I wonder if sometimes we are so hard on ourselves for just being our essential selves that it ends up hurting us more than helping us.

Here is what I mean: I am a deeply sensitive person.  And, quite often I beat myself up for reacting strongly, not being enough of a “grown up” and being too needy.  While none of these traits are among my most admirable qualities, they are part of the personality puzzle that make-up me.  Furthermore, that same sensitivity contributes to some of deepest strengths of being thoughtful, emotionally connected and caring.  So maybe I can work on just accepting who I am or at least being more compassionate with myself when the less admirable traits pop up.

Whatever you decide to do to make 2012 a better year for you (which can include nothing at all!), I hope the year brings you all you hope for plus a little more!

< Back to Blog Page